Wait and See

I had a nice weekend with my friends. Was outdoors a lot and had a great time. Saw Twelfth Night in Central Park last night. It was amazing. The whole weekend reminded me why I love living in New York and really made me feel like Summer is really here.

But then today happened. And I started to think how much I've neglected my status. I know that I'm not supposed to let it rule my life, but I also can't just pretend like it isn't there. I haven't figured out what I'm going to do about my doctor or where I'll be getting my treatments, and that is a big deal. I am going to commit to doing that this week.

I also just don't know how to manage some of my relationships. One, in particular: NP. We went to a movie tonight and had a nice time. After we went to get some food and everything was normal, but for some reason (which I cannot remember right now) reality hit me. Hard.

I don't even really know what our relationship status is. We were very casual before all this happened, and now I feel like we're forced into something more serious. And, quite honestly, I like him more now that I've gotten to know him, but I also know that I am not ready for anything serious. I don't know what to do.

I just sent him an email to apologize for the way the night ended and to say a little bit more about what's on my mind.

I guess I'll just wait and see. Like everything else. I'll wait and see.