Today, I start my new job. I'm looking forward to this helping me move on and realize that life goes on.
Yesterday, I went to the doctor for the first time to get my blood taken for CD4, VL, and basically everything else. I don't like the place at all, but I did like the doctor. I might be able to find out my CD4 this week, but VL I won't know until I go back July 16. I'm also going to look for another place to go that caters more to my demographics (read: young & gay) so I feel more comfortable.
Here's to a new start!
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Hello there, I found your blog while reading The Body (a post where you asked about loss of sexual interest/desire). I am gay fella living in Miami who just found out as well (June 10, right after seroconversion; the test that was used for me was the type that measures viral load rather than the presence of antibodies).
ReplyDeleteIn reading your blog I am surprised to find someone who is going through so many of the things/emotions that I am experiencing. Like you I considered myself well-informed and educated about this, and had not imagined that I would ever get a positive result. Like you I was shocked when my doctor said that the results were not what she had wished to share with me. Like you I have been fortunate to have close friends (and a younger sister who I love dearly) who have been very supportive. Like you I have done a lot of reading, but realised that I cannot overload my mind (at some point it does get overwhelming). Like you I have kept busy and have done my best at not letting this new condition become the ruling force in my life.
Because the results came back while I seroconverted my initial numbers were frightening (and unfortunately the genotype indicated some resistance that we are still to determine). The doctor that I work with has however made this process easier and I am grateful to God for her. I started therapy (Atripla) the very next day after learning the positive results. I have been fortunate to not experience the more common side effects associated with this medication (only had a minor rash). Now I am hoping for a healthy life that can be enjoyed and shared with my family and friends for as long as I am allowed to stay here. I was afraid in the beginning of loneliness, illness, and a life without the possibility of love. That was just my fear speaking to my spirit and mind in an irrational way. This has allowed me to reassess the facts in my life, the love that I get from (and give to) those around me, my spiritual standing, my need for a healthier approach to everything that impacts my body.
What I learned in these past three weeks has been: Once your labs come back inform yourself about everything that you need to know related to meds/therapy. The sooner that you start will probably be better. Be kind to yourself; don't spend much time rewinding or wondering about how or why this happened. Every one in a while however allow yourself to cry a little. Fear not the future; you have a lot going now with the new job and this condition for which you will need to make life adaptations. You seem to be a guy who enjoys the present and is clever enough to not allow sadness to take over.
Good luck with the new job! I wish you the best; a good, long, and healthy life that you will enjoy fully. I read somewhere (I belive one of the profiles in thebody.com) that once we get these news we can "never let our head hang." Enjoy each moment and take care of yourself. Hopefully we will soon see a cure to this condition.
If you ever feel like chatting feel free to email me.
Thanks for the comment! I agree with everything you said.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy to hear that you are handling everything so well. What I've realized is that everything is a process, and I just have to take things step by step. I'm amazed at the fact that it isn't the only thing on my mind anymore... and that is within the first two weeks of knowing!
Good luck to you on your journey of life.