Just left NP's. We had a good night. I'm finally more comfortable being quasi-sexual with him. I got freaked out at times, and I still don't get why he is sticking around. We talked about that a bit, which was nice.
But it was also really difficult for me to realize I can never be completely with him. Especially because as we were in bed kissing, I got so into it that it's all I wanted to do. Realizing that's not an option really hit me. He keeps telling me there is a lot we can still do, but how can we both stay satisfied if we can never fuck again?
We've talked openly about if this gets boring for either of us, it's okay to end it. Part of me wants to end it before he does while another part thinks I should just be grateful and take it for what it is while I have it.
And then there is a small part of me that just wants to have sex again.
I feel horrible for even thinking that. The truth is I could have sex with someone else right now easier than I could with him. I feel a deeper responsibility for him.
I don't really know what to do, but I think I'm going to just see where it all goes. He is a great guy and I'm lucky he has stood by me.