Despite the fact that I had things to write about, I somehow have let a week go by.
On Wednesday, I had dinner with the new guy I met from the poz personals site (ET). I had a really good time. I like how carefree it feels to hang out with him. We don't really talk about being positive much, but to have someone around who knows what it feels like (especially since he has known for a year and a half) is really nice. I was having a somewhat bad day at work, so I broke down and had a glass of wine with my dinner. After, I went to Therapy with the boys. The show was good and I ended up having another two drinks there.
Thursday, we had a Project Runway night at CG's. Just about everyone in the group came by to watch, so it was a good time.
Friday night, I ended up just staying in since it started to rain and I was so tired from the week. Plus, with the house being a little quiet, I wanted to enjoy it while I could.
Saturday, I had a good run with the team, did brunch with the boys, played a long game of Monopoly at CG's, and then watched a movie with TA. We wanted to get tickets for Shakespeare In The Park on Sunday, so we had to get up early.
When I got home on Saturday, I ended up chatting with an old friend (CS) in LA who I knew was positive. We didn't talk long, but it was nice to hear how he is doing. He said he would call me this week before my doctor appointment to talk more.
Sunday consisted of me waiting in the park for 5 hours to get tickets, hanging out with MK, and then going to see the play at night. Overall, the weekend was relaxing but fun.
Yesterday, I got a call from my doctor's office that my follow up appointment had to be rescheduled to Wednesday because the doctor would be out on Friday. I'm really okay with that since I want to know my lab results asap.
I'm dogsitting for a friend this week, so I will be staying at his place in the East Village till Sunday. It is almost like a mini-vacation and I'm really looking forward to it.
The one thing I'm not looking forward to? Talking to NP. I haven't seen him in over a week and have hardly talked to him recently (and when I have, it was all via text). I know we need to talk but finding a good time to do it and, more honestly, the courage, is difficult. But I have to do it soon.
Showing posts with label disclosure. Show all posts
Showing posts with label disclosure. Show all posts
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
Number Five
Last night I told TA. I had been trying to tell him since Monday, but the timing wasn't right until last night.
I am so relieved that he finally knows. It has been very difficult for me to keep this from him. I felt this divide between us and I know it was due to this. I just didn't know how to act in front of him.
I had no reason to be, but I was nervous to tell him. The thing about DM and ND is that they have been around through some pretty shitty times, but they have never left me. I knew they would stick around during this. Telling NC was somewhat easy because I knew that he and DM were close and he is open minded enough to not judge me. Plus, the fact that I wasn't *as close* to him as the others made it a little easier. Of course, telling NP was really difficult, but that is because this had a greater meaning for him. He was at risk and it changes everything between us.
But telling TA... it was different. I've known him for only a year now, but for some reason I place him up there with DM and ND. Growing close to someone so quickly scares me. I'm afraid of losing him all the time. But he has stayed around. And if this doesn't make him leave me, well, then what else possibly could?
Five down; one more to go from the original six.
I am so relieved that he finally knows. It has been very difficult for me to keep this from him. I felt this divide between us and I know it was due to this. I just didn't know how to act in front of him.
I had no reason to be, but I was nervous to tell him. The thing about DM and ND is that they have been around through some pretty shitty times, but they have never left me. I knew they would stick around during this. Telling NC was somewhat easy because I knew that he and DM were close and he is open minded enough to not judge me. Plus, the fact that I wasn't *as close* to him as the others made it a little easier. Of course, telling NP was really difficult, but that is because this had a greater meaning for him. He was at risk and it changes everything between us.
But telling TA... it was different. I've known him for only a year now, but for some reason I place him up there with DM and ND. Growing close to someone so quickly scares me. I'm afraid of losing him all the time. But he has stayed around. And if this doesn't make him leave me, well, then what else possibly could?
Five down; one more to go from the original six.
Monday, June 29, 2009
It's official
I got my Western Blot back and the results are positive.
Tomorrow, I go in to start blood work and will go from there.
Earlier today, I told ND. That was hard but she took it well and that made it easier for me. Tonight, I go to NP's to talk to him and break the news. Not sure how that will go.
Oh, I also got the official job offer before heading out to pick up my results earlier today... what timing.
Tomorrow, I go in to start blood work and will go from there.
Earlier today, I told ND. That was hard but she took it well and that made it easier for me. Tonight, I go to NP's to talk to him and break the news. Not sure how that will go.
Oh, I also got the official job offer before heading out to pick up my results earlier today... what timing.
Big Day
After becoming completely overwhelmed with the information I was reading, I took the advice of someone from the forum at poz.com and took a break from reading everything. I had so much else going on that I just couldn't handle it all. That included taking a break from the blog.
My updates are that I talked to NP on Wednesday night. I told him I got tested and was worried about the results and that I would get them back today. I'm going to his place later tonight to share what my results are. He was supportive and said that the decision to bareback was mutual and I wasn't at fault for anything.
Also, I told another friend, NC, about my initial results. DM can't come with me today, so I needed to bring someone else. NC has been really supportive as well and is going to join me today.
I'm now just waiting for the call back from Harlem United with when I can go in for my confirmatory results.
On the flip side of things, I got an email this morning about the job I've been interviewing with. They said they are ready to move forward with an offer, just need to get my references in to them. I started crying when I read that. I feel like there is just so much going on. Very difficult to process this all.
My updates are that I talked to NP on Wednesday night. I told him I got tested and was worried about the results and that I would get them back today. I'm going to his place later tonight to share what my results are. He was supportive and said that the decision to bareback was mutual and I wasn't at fault for anything.
Also, I told another friend, NC, about my initial results. DM can't come with me today, so I needed to bring someone else. NC has been really supportive as well and is going to join me today.
I'm now just waiting for the call back from Harlem United with when I can go in for my confirmatory results.
On the flip side of things, I got an email this morning about the job I've been interviewing with. They said they are ready to move forward with an offer, just need to get my references in to them. I started crying when I read that. I feel like there is just so much going on. Very difficult to process this all.
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